I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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