You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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