i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
