He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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