who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
This house was built for laser tag.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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