Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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