she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Randomize
