A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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