Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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