Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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