U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Will exercising make me less horny?
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