: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
i've created a new STD.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
