we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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