he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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