If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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