I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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