I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
