Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
