The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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