i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
