I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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