I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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