it wasn't lemon gatorade
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
