I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
