Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
