She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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