I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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