I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Randomize
