Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Randomize
