I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
