White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
