I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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