Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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