i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
where does the pee come out of this thing
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
It's official drugs can't kill me
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
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