hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
