hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I don't deserve a penis
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
