I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
