I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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