I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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