i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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