Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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