2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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