I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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