Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
