I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
