do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
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