You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
