did you get engaged???
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
