and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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