I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
