why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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