You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Quick, to the slutcave!
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
