super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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