In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
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He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
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the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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