he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
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Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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