I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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