booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
