i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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