Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
