when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
