My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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