Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
