Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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