i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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