So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
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