Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He has the fingertips of a God
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
